Rise

You don’t just grieve loved ones you lost through death. You grieve broken connections, people you once loved that you let go of, traumatic situations, lost dreams, the old versions of you. You have the right to grieve each and every one of them, to feel the sadness and heartache, to cry. And you have the right to allow yourself the time you need to heal from them.Β 


A lesson the Universe teaches me constantly is that everything and everyone that happened in my life–even the most painful, difficult, and confusing ones–they were all for my growth. Whenever I choose to see it that way, I see the purpose and value the lessons I take away from every person and every experience. I honor the truth of love that I received and gave away. No matter how fleeting or how much it has moved me to tears, it is always freeing to love and have loved than not at all. Nothing and no one is a waste in the grander scheme of one’s life and journey.Β 


You have the power to heal from any grief in your own time, at your own pace. And like that Katy Perry song, you will realize after every healing that you will not just survive. You will thrive.Β 

Photo by: Lea Vergara Apilado (“Undas 2021”)

The soul always knows

Your soul already knows. The rest of you just needs to catch up.

It’s that shiver along the spine, goosebumps blooming on your arms, hairs at the back of your neck standing up.
It’s knowing with a heart certainty that doesn’t need tangible proof to be true.
It’s an invisible hug warming you from the inside out when you least expect it.
It’s the soul bond that is never broken, never conscious of time nor space–it just is.

And when you finally embrace this deep knowing and surrender it back to the Universe, you are free to fly to greater heights, to flow with a vastness of spirit you were always meant for.

Affirmation: I trust in what my soul already knows. I listen to the nudges of recognition I receive within. πŸ’œβœ¨πŸ’™

Image credit: Nicholas Ng @ Unsplash

What healing looks like

Healing is so personal and different for everyone.

Healing for me is finally not being afraid to release situations and people that are toxic–even if they are family and friends. It’s not walking away from issues–it’s setting healthy boundaries. It’s respecting the need to remove myself from energies that chip away at my soul and trigger the hurt all over again.

Healing is still feeling the sadness and grief sometimes–that sharp pull at my heartstrings telling me to look back just one last time, to give it one more shot, to make up new imaginative excuses for myself yet again–but this time, finally planting my feet on the ground and saying enough is enough. It’s admitting that I have given off myself to people who didn’t see the value of what I was willing to give freely. It’s recognizing that I have burned myself out in situations that played out like a teledrama.

Healing is reclaiming my power and self-respect. It is sending out this message, “Yes, I will take the lessons and the love with me, but I also know when I am not being valued and respected, and what or who is not worth sharing my precious time and energy with.” It’s being discerning of the rare people who truly deserve my love and most authentic self-expression–the baring and sharing of my heart and soul at its purest form.

Healing is forgiving others who have hurt, judged, and misunderstood me, even when they have not taken accountability on their part. It’s recognizing that accountability isn’t something I can demand from someone who cannot even do it for themself.

Healing is forgiving myself too for any lingering guilt, blame, and sadness that latched on. If I can look at someone else with love and compassion, I deserve to look at myself the same way.

Healing is freeing myself from the prison of other people’s judgment and attempts to control my life and my choices. It’s saying, “F*** it. I am choosing me, this time. No more excuses. I am doing what I feel and know is the best for me despite what anyone else says and expects. I am following my own path that fills me up with joy and love.”

Healing is freedom and tastes like the salty sea air that wraps around me like a warm hug whenever I am at the beach.

Healing is knowing deep within my bones that whatever happens, whatever comes my way, whoever stays or doesn’t in my life, I can survive and I will thrive.

Pink is the Color of Hope

October 7th was a day when Destiny turned on its wheels.
Hope sprung anew for many hearts and souls.
For my friend and I, it was an extraordinary blessed day filled with signs and synchronicities.
We cried in joy and gratitude, mixed with a little fear.
For me it was the first time in a long while I was struck speechless by the guiding hand of the Divine.
I can feel the rumblings of deep change bursting to be set free.
It’s like a dragon kept in chains inside a cold crypt all these years, it might as well be blind.
It’s had enough of the darkness and yearns to feel the warmth of the light again,
to see colors exploding like fireworks before its very eyes.
One day it will claw its way into freedom.
Today is merely the start of an uphill battle.
We all have our parts to play, like queens and pawns in a war room.
We cannot shout victory yet until all the pieces are in play and every player has dealt their hand.
But for now, we claim the victory of a first step–a new cycle of casting fears and differences aside,
of finding our voices again and waking up our sleeping strength.
We accept the challenge to fight for a common cause–to fight for love and with love.
Because that’s the only war that matters–to fight for the ones we love.
We look forward to joining hands and claiming checkmate for a better Philippines.

P.S. Lalaban ako with Leni! 🌺🌺🌺

The New Moon’s Clarity

There was a night like this after Cine Europa years ago,
when I went home on a taxi
and knew I was in love.
But before all that we were trying
to keep a straight face,
avoiding each other’s personal space
with a love scene playing out on the screen.
But ended up arms brushing
against each other,
locked in a starry-eyed gaze
that lasted an eternity,
an extended heartbeat,
it didn’t matter.
It happened.
And suddenly,
it was the closest we have ever been.

And if you had taken my hand in the dark,
it would’ve been different.
You knew it. I knew it.
Maybe we would’ve talked more after Kimono Ken.
But it never happened.
All you left me was a napkin with an I O U.

We didn’t talk about feelings because
we were too scared,
we were too young.
We didn’t know what we wanted.
And after,
all I could say was how cruel it was
to feel something close to love,
only for it to be snatched from you.
I spent years
searching for that spark again in others
and found something infinitely better.
I found love in me that was always there all along–
a love in flames that will never die.
Love that will continue to burn
long after all traces of me are gone.

Thank you for being the first to teach me
to be true to myself–
to not keep my love under lock and key,
to be brave to love big and open,
to do all that and not be ashamed,
no matter what happens.
I wish you the same.

5th post in the series:Β Music / Film + Writing Heals πŸ’–

Image credit: Alex Iby @ Unsplash

Accompanying song: “I Thought I Saw Your Face Today” by She & Him (Volume One)