Keepsake

Without saying anything, you knew what I meant with what I gave you.

I wanted you to keep it, tucked away somewhere safe–a precious keepsake to savor in secret, only you would know where to find it.

I wanted you to have a piece of me telling you how I feel–that I am grateful for you, that I care for you, that I do love you though you may have doubts because I have never shown you my feelings before–a time when I was so confused trying to be a good girl–to make the grade of norm, but now I know.

And I am defying everything I’ve known until now just for a chance to tell you what’s been sleeping in my heart for years.

And if we never see each other again, I just want you to know–I gave you my love in a handwritten letter. ❀

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Songs from my playlist: Power of Two

Power of Two (1995) :: Indigo Girls

My favorite Indigo Girls song since grade school. Since then, I’ve discovered their other songs and I’m always drawn to the philosophical ones like Closer to Fine and Galileo. But Power of Two will always be my first love. The lyrics are so simple, but deep, beautiful, honest, and full of soul. πŸ’—

You know the things that I am afraid of
I’m not afraid to tell
And if we ever leave a legacy
It’s that we loved each other well…

And this particular line reminds me of a soulmate kind of love:

The closer I’m bound in love to you
The closer I am to free

Songs from my playlist: Laughter in the Rain

Laughter in the Rain (1974) :: Neil Sedaka

My evergreen-favorite Neil Sedaka song. I was in high school when I distinctly remember instantly falling in love with this song. πŸ’• Back then, I played CDs whenever I was up and alone in the wee hours of the morning reviewing for quizzes and exams. There was one mix (pirated 🀫) CD of sentimental love songs I always included on rotation, and Laughter in the Rain was one of the songs in it I constantly back-tracked to. I don’t know how else to explain it, but it gave me the “romantic chills” and never failed to make me smile whenever I heard it. And yeah, that was probably why that CD got scratched after just a few runs. πŸ€”πŸ˜…

Anyway, that pirated mix CD is long gone now, but my love for this song is here to stay. Ever the romantic, yes, I still get the chills when this is on. And a tickled pink smile that instantly lights up the room. 🀩

Worth of words

From one of my writer inspirations on IG, Amie McNee. ~

My mantra especially on days when my mother tells me I should get paid for having a poem published in a literary journal or when my juvenile essay was picked in an international writing contest and published in an anthology. And I try my very best to keep my cool (and my fiery temper at bay) whenever I try to explain why I don’t get paid for those. Reality is, I don’t always get paid for writing (that’s what day jobs and sidelines are for). And not every thing I write will be fit for public consumption. Heck, an iceberg-chunk of some things I wrote still make me go, “Wtf, these shouldn’t even see the light of day!” But what some people don’t get is that I’m not in this for the rare possibility of being suddenly catapulted into the spotlight out of obscurity (not a spotlight hogger), or living off on royalties (good luck on that πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰). I count myself lucky I got something published in print and got acknowledgement letters for some pieces I submitted than nothing at all. But even without recognition, I will still write. For myself. For love, for life, for personal growth. I write because it’s my calling. It’s what my soul is drawn to do, to be, to share with the world or a handful of precious loves. And when it’s something your soul calls out for you to do–whatever it is, getting paid for it is a welcome bonus, like that longed-for slice of decadent cake at the end of a meal, or the extra yummy drizzle of caramel or chocolate sauce on your sundae. πŸ’–

Songs from my playlist: Sea of Love

Sea of Love (1998) :: Cat Power

Come with me my love
To the sea
The sea of love
I want to tell you
How much I love you

~~~

First heard this song from the indie movie, Juno, which was the first time I saw Ellen Page in a movie and started having a crush on her. 🌈 Anyway, for me this song feels like a romantic lullaby for a precious person. πŸ’—

It’s short, simple, and sweet. I love listening to it with my earphones in and the volume cranked full. Melts my heart in the entire space of the song. 😊

An exercise in honesty

We’re onto the third quarter of the year already. A lot has happened since last year. I lost a few people but gained a lot of kindred spirits. Not new friends to replace what’s lost, but souls I connect and vibe with. Beautiful, honest, imperfect people who teach me to be kinder and more generous of spirit. Who teach me that it’s okay to be me (softly sassy, quirky Lea and all) and to be more open to possibilities. And I don’t know how it’s possible, but I feel like my world is expanding every day. 😊

I’m also trying to be more honest with myself. And honestly, all I ever want to do is to write, to create, to build a home, to love unconditionally. All these things I’m not just good at, but passionate about. That light me up inside whenever I do them. It would be nice to have someone to share this with. I don’t know if I’m ever truly ready but yes I want this kind of bliss too. And I’ve been thinking more about this lately than before. It would be nice to not be afraid to love and be loved. It would be nice just to hold someone’s hand and share the happiness brimming from within you to your precious person. I’d love to do that someday.