Feels Like Home

I am the lighthouse guiding you home.

I am the moon illuminating your buried desires, the star healing all your fears.

I am the Queen of Swords, the speaker of truths. I am the one person you couldn’t lie to.

I am the oasis in your desert of denial.

I am your secret source of sunshine, the wish fulfilling your dreams.

I am the last drop to make your cup runneth over.

I am the one you long to embrace at the end of the day.

I am your forever soulmate, the reason you will always find home. 💗🌻💗

Keepsake

Without saying anything, you knew what I meant with what I gave you.

I wanted you to keep it, tucked away somewhere safe–a precious keepsake to savor in secret, only you would know where to find it.

I wanted you to have a piece of me telling you how I feel–that I am grateful for you, that I care for you, that I do love you though you may have doubts because I have never shown you my feelings before–a time when I was so confused trying to be a good girl–to make the grade of norm, but now I know.

And I am defying everything I’ve known until now just for a chance to tell you what’s been sleeping in my heart for years.

And if we never see each other again, I just want you to know–I gave you my love in a handwritten letter. ❤

Precious

You are too precious for words sometimes

that I don’t know how to write about you

How you have always been special

and I refused to see it–

a constant low humming at the back of my mind

I’ve gotten used to for years

But was afraid to give it a name, to carve out

a space for you in my heart

Nobody would understand–

It would be the secret that exploded

but that only added fuel to the fire

quietly raging within

And you did it yourself–

You carved out your name in my heart

with impossible deeds and a love so familiar

It’s impossible to push you back to the safe corners

and pretend you were just a footnote in my saga

You are the spark that lit my history book into flames,

pushing me to write the best story of my life

——–

*I pride myself on my inner knowing–how I trust in it fully and how it has moved me upwards, how it flows easily into me and how I wield it more than others do. But there are times when I am stumped. Days like now, I don’t know what to think and my trust on my very intuition falters. I DON’T KNOW. I don’t know what to do about this. But one thing I still know for sure: You are precious and will always be. Even despite all doubts that this can’t be happening, all thoughts that this isn’t mutual, and all efforts to not make it more than what it is…you are still stubbornly precious. That is true. And another truth: I wrote this poem for you.

Love Makes You Stronger

Love makes you happy and love also brings you pain

But through everything, love only makes you stronger.

I keep you with me in a safe corner of my heart

Where everything is pure and innocent and sacred

A place where no one else can get to and break us

Always. That’s what matters for now.

That is my truth and something you need to know for sure.

I may never wrap myself around what it is about you

that keeps pulling me in

I just know a thread is there connecting us and it’s real.

We will be together

If not in this lifetime, then maybe in the next, or the one after that

but not until we’ve learned the lessons we need to learn,

not until our karma is complete.

And if one day I meet someone else who loves me

who I will fall in love with,

I will not waste my youth and my years waiting for you.

Because I deserve love and respect, loyalty and devotion,

happiness and intimacy

An equal partnership, a true marriage of souls.

And if I find all these things and more in someone else’s arms,

I will not hesitate.

Because life is meant to be lived in love and light

And if I’m ready for that but you aren’t,

I will choose the light over you.

Even if it hurts for a while

I will never deny you freedom, because love doesn’t hold you hostage

and keep you bound together in an endless trinity

of fear, indecision, and stagnation.

You break the chain if it doesn’t serve your highest good,

if it keeps you from living out your best life.

You walk away from the shadows and back into the light

Love always gives you the power to choose destinations.

You have been my secret joy and sadness

The unexpected what-if of my life.

But you are also my most important lesson:

Love only makes you stronger.

——–

P.S. I think I understand it better now, what Meryl Streep said on her Golden Globes Lifetime Achievement Award speech: “Take your broken heart and make it into art.”

I have taken the lessons I’ve learned both inspiring and painful, and woven them into art I am proud of. My life revolves around creating and making sense of life through words. Giving myself over to creating with honesty and vulnerability is also slowly peeling away my layers and showing the best bits of me that were hidden before. You can’t go out into the light without braving the darkness first. ☀️

—————-

Image credit: Cathal Mac an Bheatha on Unsplash

Be OK

I live with a purpose day by day

And strive to do things my own way

Things don’t always go as planned

But I still have ideals so grand

I wrap all my hopes up in strengthening myself

I don’t want to end up stuck on a shelf

I surround myself with people I love

In my heart you’re one of the above

We still have miles to go

I am not afraid to admit so

But when you’re weary from it all,

I’ll be your secret oasis, don’t you dare fall

Please believe that everything will be

Only more beautiful than we imagined it to be

Not as silly and fleeting as what we’ve read and seen

But deep and enduring like how we’ve always been

Bar None

I took a chance 

and you replied 

 

I flipped, 

a switch turned on 

 

I’m a light

and everything’s clear 

I’m a radio 

and our song is playing 

“How sweet it is to be loved by you” 

 

Oh hello 

Where have you been all along? 

 

I’ve tapped a well of hidden desires 

and words are gushing forth 

I will go where the flow takes me 

 

Trust in the Universe again 

Worth the wait for you and me 

 

Because our love makes me want to 

reach for the stars 

——– 

Image credit: Josh Boot on Unsplash

I Am Sure

If I meet you someday, I would know that it’s you.

My skin would hum and murmur and sing so sweetly,

I’d have no need for warning bells to tell me–I’ve landed a prize.

Trust would come intuitively; blooming naturally

Our eyes speaking for everything words could never convey.

I’d recognize the butterfly in you, and the caterpillar from whence you came

I’d only be proud of the courage it took for you to break through your shell.

And I am sure

The moment you tell me that, I’m not cliche perfect

But you don’t mind because everything about me you find beautiful

Down to the itty bitty capricious details–

That you love the girl and woman and goddess in me.

——–

Image credit: Annie Spratt on Unsplash