You are not meant for everyone nor should you strive to be for everyone. You are here for a purpose only you can discover, explore, and fulfill. You are here to be true to your heart and soul. Even when you are walking the path you are guided to, there is no one-size-fits-all. Ecstatic epiphanies do not happen every day. Some days need more work in the matrix world than the spiritual realms. Other days simply require rest and release. And that is okay. Just because you are an eternal, divine soul in a physical body doesn’t mean you need to deny worldly pleasures and self-love rituals or forget about everyday responsibilities you signed up for.
Balance is the key like the High Priestess–the keeper of Universal wisdom and truths. She has her feet and her sacred service planted firmly on the ground. At the same time, she only needs to lift a veil to access wisdom in the spiritual ethers. She is both sides of the coin.
Balance comes and flows easier when you look at situations, people, and the world around you with the eyes of compassion and love.
So today, just be you– Whatever that means and however you feel like embodying it. Be both an observer and a participant of your juicy, wonder-filled, abundant life. You are enough. You are worthy. As you are right now.
From “In the Time of Butterflies”, a work-in-progress 🦋
Patience in love means timelessness of the heart, not waiting with bated breath and weighted expectations. It means you have surrendered to what you already know is true deep within your heart, and trusting that everything is unfolding the way it needs to. You’ve stopped attaching yourself to the when. It means being present in the now and focusing on what needs your immediate care and attention–your own needs, passions, and dreams, instead of spending all your precious energy on someone else or doling it out to multiple people and tasks at a time as if it’s unli rice. It means letting the past stay in the past, but honoring the lessons you’ve learned from it. It’s not projecting yourself too far ahead onto an unknowable future that you forget to savor a breathtaking sunset or a shared meal with a loved one.
Patience is that Ray Lamontagne song with the haunting chorus of:
“Be here now, be here now”
Reminding the listener to:
“Don’t let your heart get heavy Child, inside you there’s a strength that lies”
There is purpose in patience. We have avocado trees at home and avocado is currently in season. Instead of using a net to get all the avocados one by one, I have the patience to let them be until they reach maturity. During this “waiting period” which doesn’t feel like waiting idly at all, I spend time like I always do. I do work that keeps me moving forward, not aimlessly. I reconnect with the divine to get my creative juices flowing. I tend to my soul’s garden of delights. I am reminded of avocados every day–it’s hard not to ignore those shiny, smooth emerald teardrops–tempting to me as apples were to Eve in the Garden of Eden. But I just take a longing look and my heart swells in gratitude for the blessing that I could almost taste–soft and creamy, a pleasure with muscovado. “Not yet, Lea. But almost there. Have patience, dearest. We are teaching you the virtue of patience.”
Then on a day when I least expect it, avocados just break off from the branches and fall to the ground in numbers. Only then do I pick them up one by one and enjoy the literal fruits of patience. You cannot force something to come to fruition until it’s time. Patience reveals its own rewards.
I trust the journey of my life. I release the inky tendrils of fears desperate to blind and claw their way at me. I release thoughts, doubts, and anxieties that poison the mind and the blood. I have no room for self-destruction, no reason to hide away my face, my power, my authenticity. I am bigger than any trigger. I choose to sit still in the garden of my soul– To come from a place of love and compassion, instead of hurt and ego. I release broken shards of the past cutting my skin and drawing blood, that have remained until now. After enduring the pain, there is healing and an inevitable blossoming. From this moment onwards, there is only union within myself and with the divine. There is the beauty of now and what I make of it–gratitude, creation and possibilities. There is faith, hope, and love.
~ I trust the journey of my life. ~
Photo by: Lea Vergara Apilado (Road to Masasa Beach, Tingloy Island, Batangas, 2018)
Love is both sides of the coin–you take the good and the bad, the happiness and the pain, the ups and downs–one can’t exist without the other. If you only wanted the good and happy times or only to avoid getting hurt, it’s not love that you want–it’s the illusion of it. A genuine love requires one to be bold and vulnerable at the same time. To give as much as you take, to surrender to its ebb and flow, to commit to the whole and not only choosing the parts you like. It’s the entire pie, and not just a slice. It is an unpredictable high risk and high reward investment.
Navigating the desires of the heart can be messy and confusing, especially when your default mode is the neatness and preciseness of logic, relying on the safety of what the ego says is best for you. But love can also inspire you to smash the walls you’ve built around you keeping you safe, and help you reclaim the courage you’ve always known was inside you. You can finally be free to explore what other wonders are waiting for you on the other side.
“Is this really the boldest stroke you can make?” — The Half of It
It’s a line from a movie I didn’t expect I would resonate with and join my favorites list. I hear Ellie asking Aster and it becomes me asking myself, “Is this the boldest stroke I can make?”
I haven’t felt like I was making bold strokes until I learned to choose and embrace myself, until I grew comfortable in the silence and the stillness and found moments of peace, acceptance, and clarity I never even knew I was thirsting for. Moments of finding the courage to peel away the layers and reveal a truth or another part of me is also me painting one bold stroke after another. I’m nowhere near done yet with my painting and I still have a lot of space to cover. I have no idea what it would look like, but I am having fun creating it, building it stroke by stroke.
You wonder why you feel stuck or know you’re unhappy but never do anything to change it. You simply go on doing the things you do and stick with some people and relationships even when deep down you just know that who you are now doesn’t align with them anymore. You stay because they’re familiar and easy–they’re not challenging you to do the bloody inner work, to face your triggers and rise above them. Is it because you fear change? Is it because where you are is safe and accepted by the ones you feel you need approval from? But what is safe and what does external validation do for us, really? Is it even worth denying an essential part of yourself?
One of my bold strokes is finally deciding I’ve had enough of this and I won’t settle for safe and thumbsed up by everyone else but me. I learned you only grow when you learn to trust yourself and venture out of your comfort zone and into the wild unknown. When you realize the only approval and validation you need is from your authentic self, it’s a weight lifted off of your shoulders. It’s the taste of freedom and unity like that time the sea called out to me–waves lapping at my feet and without thinking, I just went into the water–my hair mimicking the waves and my dress getting soaked, a storm brewing on the horizon and I’ve never been happier. I want more of that and I am ready for it.
However my painting turns out to be, I hope it’s a beautiful mess of bold, colorful strokes speckled with jewels of neverending discoveries amidst the unknown.
Third post in the series: Music / Film + Writing Heals 💖
P.S. Ellie and Aster’s flirtation is a bold stroke for me and I like it. 😚